#1. Marriage isn’t about being happy. It’s about being holy. Marriage is about helping each other grow out of our sins and be more like Christ everyday.
#2. To quote the band Boston: Love is more than a feeling. Emotions come and go but a commitment lasts a lifetime. “The essence of marriage is a sacrificial commitment to the good of the other.” – Tim Keller
#3. Marriage isn’t simply a contract with some signatures. It is an unconditional covenant made before God based on a never stopping, never-giving up, always and forever commitment.
#4. The pursuing and romancing doesn’t end at the altar. Keep dating and asking questions and serving and exploring new places in each others’ hearts until the day you die.
#5. Husbands, love and cherish and treasure and value and prioritize your wife more than your career, reputation, friends, or hobbies.
#6. Wives, respect and honor your husband as the spiritual leader, the financial provider, and the faithful father of your children. Tell him he is good at what he does.
#7. Expect the best in each other. Be slow to judge. Quick to listen. Slow to speak. The first to compromise. Keep no record of wrong. And when you apologize, it’s actually a sign of strength.
#8. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Apathy is a marriage killer. To fight is to care. And when you fight, use only kind, necessary, and true words. Remember: it’s not just what you say, but how you say it.
#9. Great marriages don’t just happen; they require hard work. Go to counseling, read and pray together, ask tough questions, and find a mentor couple. Don’t settle for simply “co-existing.”
#10. When you are vulnerable and transparent about struggles and sin, you will discover a deeper level of intimacy and connection with each other. To be fully known and loved, this is the essence of true relationship.
#11. What is your mission statement? Find out what breaks your heart as a couple and engage in a bigger story outside of your four walls. How can you live in such a way to put God on display?
#12. When conflict occurs, remember it’s not about this, it’s always about that. There’s always something so much deeper at play—fears and insecurities and shame. So before you jump to conclusions, just listen.
#13. Remember and respect your spouse’s story. The way we handle friendships, family, finances, faith, and fighting all are related to how we were raised. What are Godly patterns to continue and generational sin to discontinue?
#14. Ironically, the best way to have a great marriage is not to focus on each other. Rather, it is to focus on Christ and how He loved us first.